In my binge eating disorder, there was a total lack of boundaries with food... Which is a part of the binge eating disorder itself... Not surprisingly, I also experienced a lack of boundaries in my relationships with others, with my own emotions, and how I treated myself (thanks Pisces placements 🙋🏻‍♀️). Boundaries are important in every relationship, including your relationship with food.

Why reflect on your boundaries with food?

There are countless players in our food systems and they all have their own goals... 

Restaurants & Chefs: create delicious food, art, make money, attract guests, reputation, legacy. 

Big Food (Corporations, Industrialized Food Industry): create products that sell, that customers will continue purchasing, reach and feed as much of the population as possible, cut cost wherever possible in order to increase their profits. 

Farmers, Vendors/ Purveyors (ingredient producers- including animals & plants): raise/ cultivate animals or plants in the food system, partnering or dealing with other players in the food system to purchase their products. 

Hospitality Industry (see also restaurants & chefs): To create a particular atmosphere or experience… the experience or service is the product; striking a balance between providing plenty so customers want for nothing, at the same time, leave customers wanting more so they will return. 

Culture & Family: specific & unique to a family's culture & heritage. Food is home, love, belonging, & survival. Food or meal times may also be hostile. Food may be a parent's villain or tormentor. Upholding ancestral cuisine, dishes, ingredients and/or loss of ancestral cuisines, dishes, ingredients; assimilation and colonization. Substance overuse vs ancestral traditions; home, belonging, generosity, hospitality, & abundance vs enmeshment & suffocation. 

All of these players are already acting on their own boundaries or goals… 

Not always exclusively, but many players (often the largest ones with the most power) operate with the primary focus of profit… Not necessarily nourishment, reciprocity, or sustainability. 

Therefore it's important to reflect on your values and resources to consider your boundaries with food or substances.  Your boundaries may fluctuate moment to moment or day to day (just like any other relationship) but there is a home base you can determine for yourself.

Healing Binge Eating Disorder: 5 Questions to Reflect & Consider Your Boundaries with Food:

1. Consider what is culturally & personally meaningful 

2. Consider how your body feels 

3. Consider your social/ communal/ political, emotional, physical, & spiritual values (you might have to search "examples of values"- I know I had to at the beginning of my journey)

4. Consider your resources: material & monetary 

5. Consider your time

Looking for support?

My books are open to cycle breakers 18+ who want to feel more whole hearted, less guarded and more connected to the ecosystems around them.

FREE initial call with birth chart. Book here (virtual, anywhere, adults 18+)

Therapy for Arizona residents 18+, book FREE 20 min consult here.

Get my FREE binge eating disorder educational newsletter:

Sign up here... Education, research, and insights from my personal & professional experience.

Keep reading below for Lindsay's thoughts on binge eating disorder and the balms needed for binge eating disorder and emotional eating.

Arizona Therapist with Lived Experience in Binge Eating Disorder

Binge eating is an intergenerational broken heart spanning land, time, and generations. Your relationship with food mirrors your other relationships: to self, land, and family.

Material, emotional, and social nourishment (or lack thereof) is directly related to our food relationship and patterns.

So what's needed in binge eating disorder?

World Building: The Balm for Binge Eating Disorder

If binge eating disorder is an intergenerational broken heart that can never get enough, then when it's well, it's the heart that nourishes and fuels community and belonging. 

You have to combat the forces behind your broken heart… Therein, world building with community, lies the balms.

Binge eating disorder, at its heart, wants an ecosystem, a family of interconnectedness. How we repair, reconnect, and nourish that ecosystem:

World Building in Binge Eating Disorder:

Education: On-going, Historical, Political, & Pagan/ Indigenous education.

Resources: Material resources and mutual aid

Reconnecting: to Voice, Power, Agency, & Chosen family. 

Harm reduction: in nutrition & self care. 

Storytelling: Using voice & agency for causes & communities valued is needed for wellness.

If you're looking for support or coaching in your food relationship, Luminary Therapy is serving Arizona residents 18+ Book with Lindsay here for therapy.

Lindsay is also available for astrological counseling, specializing in food relationships and cycle breaking with adults. Book a free consult here.

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A post shared by Lindsay ⚡️| writer + complex trauma therapist (@lindsayvalleyleon_)

Trauma Healing in Adults: Family Gatherings

Hi there,

I posted on Instagram a common trauma healing theme I notice, that I've also experienced myself: staying grounded & authentic during family gatherings.

Family is a particularly strong theme (again, myself included) for the women & femmes I tend to work with. They often still value family or love family or want to participate in family- but it is frustrating and disheartening at times to witness ourselves act outside of our values or outside of our authentic selves.

I hope the following may be helpful if not encouraging...

Trauma Healing Theme: Compassion During Family Gatherings

If you will or have been partaking in family gatherings this season, be compassionate with yourself if you find it difficult to lead/ be in/ embody your authentic self.

It’s not always conducive to survival to be in our most authentic selves. This is why we developed those survival strategies in the first place.

Chances are you developed these strategies among family of origin, & if you’ll be partaking in family gatherings, it’s no wonder you may notice old strategies want to come to the forefront.

Trauma Healing Theme: It's Not Just You, We Respond To Our Environments

It may also be helpful to remember- it’s not just you & your stuff at play. We respond to our environments.

Other people/ family & their stuff will also be present in the environment.

We react/ bounce off of/ play off of/ interact with each other, our environments & the vibes in the room.

Which we don’t always have control over.

Trauma Healing Theme: Do Your Best

Just do your best <3
& get some air if you have to

Hope this was helpful ✨

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A post shared by Lindsay ⚡️| writer + complex trauma therapist (@lindsayvalleyleon_)

Hi there,

I posted on Instagram a reel on a common trauma healing theme I notice, one that I've experienced myself, it's the anxiety or fear around: "Am I integrated enough?" or "Am I healed enough?"

Trauma Healing Theme: the anxiety or fear around being integrated or healed enough

There comes a time in complex trauma healing in adults where this anxiety or fear or even doubt emerges "am I healed enough?" or "am I integrated enough?"

It's pretty common but often tricky or difficult to put words to- because it arises from an awareness of our own awareness, we're thinking about, and putting a judgement, on our internal processes we notice.

This anxiety, I think arises in part due to witnessing the different aspects of ourselves, seeing the different aspects of our personality fire off in real time.

The anxiety is a part of the trauma healing

It only makes sense, when you think about it: we've been so mindful, we’ve been trying to build that self awareness but in turn it can be jarring or anxiety producing to witness it live or in vivo.

just because you notice different aspects or different parts of yourself, doesnt mean you’re not healed or integrated enough.

Trauma Healing Truth: You are a Multi-facted Human Being

I just want to say the fact is, the truth is, you are a multifaceted human being. There are different aspects to your personality. Different parts, different aspects, will come up in different environments, different contexts, and with different people. And that's all natural.

I'll post a follow up on what can be helpful, how I'm healing from/settling down, the anxiety around "am I healed/ integrated enough."

Follow along on the blog or on Instagram

Complex Trauma in Adults: Processing for Values

As a complex trauma therapist and a human who has pursued complex trauma healing, processing for values is a theme that comes up.

Complex trauma robs us of consciously understanding & knowing our values, because often we were acting out of survival or never felt we had choices.

As an adult, this makes healing confusing.

Not knowing where to turn, which path to walk, just that we want some pain to end.

As adults, we have to process some of our values.

A trusted friend, family member, or pactitioner or therapist can help you do this or you can explore on your own.

It's also not uncommon to find some of our values actually already exist in our life- they may just be hidden under trauma responses, old connections, & associations, or unbalanced.

For example family. Our families may be a large source of stress & even pain, but we may still decide we value family.

With skills & boundaries in place, we may get to enjoy this value rather than continue old patterns and associations with this value.

Hope this was helpful.

Follow along for more complex trauma healing info here on the blog or @luminarytherapyaz on Instagram

Hey there! My name is Lindsay Valley, and I'm a therapist in Phoenix who has specialized in emotion regulation & complex trauma work. You might be thinking or feeling, "what do those words even mean?" I think we all know & feel how rampant trauma is, but the word may be thrown around often. And with social media you may have been exposed to dozens of therapist pages & maybe even non-therapist practitioners such as coaches, astrologers, reiki practitioners, etc. What's the difference? And what constitutes reaching out to someone? The content I've been reading has been great, helpful, & it's accessible, or, it's been unhelpful, doesn't resonate, & I had to unfollow.

If you've thought any of these things, you may be taking your own mental health & wellbeing, healing, into your own hands or at least have been curious about healing & wellness- which is amazing... & lots of hard work! But now, you might be thinking you could use some help around here- but where do you even start at this point?

Your mental space is filled to capacity with want & dreams & goals for your own healing, your life, but not to mention the tasks, demands, and responsibilities of everyday & the climate we're living in. Financial stressors. Family stress. Relationship stress. The laundry that needs to get done this week or you literally will not have anything to wear when you manage to have plans to get out of the house this weekend.

At this point, you might be thinking I don't even have time for this (trauma healing or your mental health), so I don't want it or I don't need it. It'll be fine. I'll be okay.

And you're right. You will be okay. Because you're a survivor and you've made it this far, you've done it, you always have.

But I want you to know that you don't have to go through the pain, distress, & heaviness of navigating it all alone. It's not about whether or not you're capable (you are) it's that you are used to doing it on your own. And maybe that's a part of the work for you. To recognize that you don't have to & to actually reach out for help.

But even if you decide you still want (or need) to keep your healing & wellness journey outside of a working relationship with a practitioner of some kind, my hope for this post is to alleviate a little bit of the overwhelm. To break down some general topics, questions, & areas for further research if you so choose down the line.

Some basic definitions

Any & all of these topics could be their own post but I'll try to generally illustrate each down below.

If you're interested in learning more try typing your question (big or small) into Google. You can also add ~ onto your search keywords & Google will pull up what it thinks could be related or helpful.

Therapist vs Counselor vs Coach:

Many disciplines can practice/provide counseling & coaching, but not all of those folks are mental health therapists & counselors. Mental health practitioners are specifically trained to treat the spectrum of mental health concerns. They typically hold a masters degree in social work or counseling (they can also be a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychiatric nurse) and typically go on to pursue associate licensure & then independent licensure within their discipline. The independent level of licensure for social work is LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) & LPC (licensed professional counselor) for counseling. Mental health therapists/counselors can provide psychotherapy. Psychotherapy treats a "multitude of psychological, behavioral, and somatic problems, symptoms, and disorders," (Prince et al., 2007; Goldfried, 2013).

Essentially, mental health practitioners are trained to work with folks experiencing various degrees of mental health challenges. A concern or challenge could be significant enough that it meets criteria to be considered a mental health symptom (but not always, and this can fluctuate).

Coaches, who may provide coaching to individuals, couples, etc., might use general counseling skills, but coaches are unable to provide therapy or psychotherapy. Coaches still should have their own frameworks, strategies, skills, and ethics or boundaries they utilize with their clients. Coaches are able to highlight, bring forth, more of themselves in the work that they do with clients. There are no requirements for becoming a life coach & there is no regulatory entity for coaching (lumiacoaching.com)  

Essentially, coaching can be brought into therapy, but therapy cannot be brought into coaching (lumiacoaching.com). A coach will focus with you on the present day & partner with you on strategies for the future & future goals, while a therapist/ mental health counselor/ practitioner is able to, and probably will, explore more of your past & how that's impacting you in the present.

Disclaimer: I'm currently only practicing as a therapist, a mental health practitioner (specifically, in Arizona, U.S.). All of this is general information in hopes to shed some light. Always do your own research & ask questions.

While coaches are not able to practice therapy, I don't doubt that their work can be therapeutic, have therapeutic effects, or similar, as the healing & wellness journey is specific to you, your beliefs, needs, & what resonates most for you.

All practitioners should have theory, principles, frameworks, education, or lived experience that guides & informs their work with their clients. Again, please do your own research & ask questions! If you are ever curious about working with someone, you are able to ask them about their experience, credentials, and what guides the work they do.

Wellness, Well-being, & Healing

Some general distinctions between wellness, well-being, and healing:

According to the Oxford Dictionary, ‘wellness’ is ’the state of being healthy, especially when you actively try to achieve this.’  Well-being, on the other hand, is considered ‘general health and happiness, a state of emotional/physical/psychological well-being’. Within these definitions, it can be easily said that wellness is the day-to-day pursuit of attaining a sense of well-being, leading with examples such as physical exercise, movement, meditation, sleep and nutrition.- via Meraki Bespoke Wellness Strategies

Healing:

Healing was associated with themes of wholeness, narrative, and spirituality. Healing is an intensely personal, subjective experience involving a reconciliation of the meaning an individual ascribes to distressing events with his or her perception of wholeness as a person...Healing may be operationally defined as the personal experience of the transcendence of suffering (Egnew, 2005).

The Oxford dictionary defines healing as "the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again...tending to heal; therapeutic."a healing experience"

What sticks out to me in these definitions for healing is "subjective experience," and "intensely personal," "the process of," & "tending to."

Trauma & a Trauma Therapist's perspective  

I'll speak a little bit more to the trauma lens of a trauma therapist, since I am a trauma therapist.

Back in the day, we used to think of trauma as "big T" trauma: seemingly obvious, identifiable incidents of trauma, such as a car accident, assault, or natural disasters. All of those are examples of trauma but the mental health field & the collective has recognized and I think continues to grow in recognizing various spheres/ layers of trauma and "small t" traumas. "Small t," traumas can be understood as chronic, countless incidents, even moments, over time, often beginning in early childhood or even in the womb. Some examples of "small t" trauma include family/ parents never talking about emotions growing up, witnessing a parent working multiple jobs and perhaps consequently emotionally unavailable, the level of responsibility & tasks/duty an eldest daughter had to carry out on a daily basis, other family member roles & dynamics, etc. "Small t's" can add up, in combination with "larger t" traumas to create the experience we refer to as complex trauma. Trauma has then occurred chronically over time throughout the lifespan.

Complex trauma impacts our relationships, relationship with self, identity, and regulating our emotions. Complex trauma therapy explores trauma and your present day experiences. There are strategies and modalities depending on the therapist & their practices to alleviate distress & challenges around complex trauma. Your therapist should partner with you to see what's what and collaborate with you on areas of focus, types of therapy, and what you'd hope to get out of therapy.  

Questions to Ask Yourself

Now with hopefully some groundwork covered, you might consider/ reflect on the following areas below. These aren't necessarily in order or even all inclusive, but hopefully these questions may guide you to some insight (or perhaps more questions but that is okay!)

Where am I at?

Am I curious about reaching out to a practitioner of some kind for support?

Does anything even bother me about my life right now? I mean truly. Does anything bother me? What bothers me?

If something does bother me, am I willing to talk about this and work on this with someone else? Am I willing to receive feedback? In time, will I be ready to enact some action & strategies that a practitioner discusses with me, that they think will be helpful for me & my situation?

Do I want to work through some stuff that happened in my past, or am I more concerned about present day & how to move forward in the future?

Am I looking for a transformation? If so, what kind of transformation am I looking for? Do I feel like if I could see results in one concentrated area of my life, the rest would just fall into place? Do I want to or am able to work with someone to do this or do I feel like I could self study? Maybe the title of who I work with doesn't matter to me, I just want to feel confident they can help me & what they talk about resonates for me.

What do I believe in?

Culturally informed care, is ethical care (Warner, 2021).

Your beliefs, your values, shouldn't be an afterthought. They are in fact the foundation. Often we may have trouble identifying them though; a practitioner should be able to help you name & identify your values & beliefs.

What does/ did my family believe about mental health, wellness, living, faith? Does any of this make it harder or is it helpful for me?

What resources are available to me?

What resources are available to me? What are my finances?

At what capacity am I able to participate or commit to healing or wellness right now?

Where do I feel called to go?

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, that little hunch you have, maybe somewhere in your chest, your heart, or your gut, is usually spot on.

A huge premise of EMDR theory & therapy is "our brain knows where it needs to go." Practitioners of all kinds of disciplines and writers, artists, ancestors, have all spoken of a part of ourselves that knows exactly the way to go. This is no secret. And it's been said in so many ways over time because there is truth to it.

You may work through all of these questions- or not- you may choose to follow the hunch you already have & that might be exactly what's needed.

Conclusion

And finally...

No matter what you decide, you can't go wrong. It's about making conscious, effective decisions with the resources we have. When we can make conscious decisions, that align with our values, we are empowered.

There is no wrong way to heal.

If any of this was helpful, you're more than welcome to watch this space for further updates on the blog or follow on Instagram: @luminarytherapyaz or Facebook: @luminarytherapyaz.

Thank you for reading!

-Lindsay

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2022). APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/psychotherapy

Egnew T. R. (2005). The meaning of healing: transcending suffering. Annals of family medicine, 3(3), 255–262. https://doi.org/10.1370/afm.313

Goldfried M. R. (2013). What should we expect from psychotherapy?Clin. Psychol. Rev.33, 862–869. 10.1016/j.cpr.2013.05.003

Prince M., Patel V., Saxena S., Maj M., Maselko J., Phillips M. R., et al.. (2007). No health without mental health. Lancet370, 859–877. 10.1016/S0140-6736(07)61238-0

From Therapist to Life Coach: How to Make the Move Successfully | Lumia. (2021). Lumia. https://www.lumiacoaching.com/blog/from-therapist-to-life-coach

Warner, PhD, C. (2021, June 21). Cultural humility, curiosity, & collaborativeness: Pathways to cultural competence beyond the hegemony of cultural differences [Training, Arizona Trauma Institute]. Cultural humility, curiosity, & collaborativeness: Pathways to cultural competence beyond the hegemony of cultural differences, Mesa, AZ.

Hi, I'm Lindsay, spiritually informed complex trauma therapist in Phoenix, AZ. I started a telehealth private practice, Luminary Therapy, June 2022.

I mentioned in my stories on Instagram entrepreneurship/ private practice work is teaching me a lesson in taking up space. So here’s a little bit more about me:

My identity & heritage is of both colonized & colonizer; Indigenous & settler ancestry. I don't share this to center myself but rather in hopes it may be helpful to you.

When I am not in session, I'm pretty sure I spend most of my waking hours generally thinking about therapy, healing, & trauma but as the years go by (six years as a complex trauma therapist with adults) I see new layers and flavors and it's about more than "therapy," for me...

To quote Chani Nicholas for Pisces Rising, "as I witness you, I am better able to witness myself." (You Were Born for This: Astrology for Radical Self Acceptance, 2020).

During quarantine 2020 I started learning how to write a young adult fantasy fiction novel. I’ve been gestating on a concept for about as long as that time & I’m currently pursuing a first draft. Wish me luck ✨

Even if it goes nowhere, the process has taught me tremendously about identity, personality, relationships (both internal & external), defense mechanisms, and magic.

My passion lies in regulation work, the ego, stories, writing, & reconnecting to pre-colonial healing tools & practices.

Bottom line, I see more and more my role as a therapist is less about me saying the right thing at the right time and more about asking better questions, holding space with you, and making sure you feel resourced enough to tell your own story.  

You might be here because you are curious of the answer to this question, you're doing some research.

I will be honest with you. Therapy may not be the best fit.

Therapy, I know, has done a lot of harm unfortunately. You or someone you know may have had a harmful experience in therapy. Or, the topic itself is often elusive, taboo, stigmatized, or so varied per therapist that it was hard to know what to expect, if it was working, and so expectations and communications or lack thereof felt overwhelming or demoralizing.

But fortunately, "therapy," is not the one & only approach or road to healing or wellness. I truly believe that.

I believe therapy works, because at its best, it does what we're already wired to do as humans: connect. A nonjudgemental, honest, empathetic conversation with a friend can be as helpful as a therapy session, if not more. A book or podcast could unlock an insight that opens new doors in your perspectives. An unexpected experience in public or trying a new food, or supporting your local community each week in small acts could be quite impactful; far reaching into many areas of your life.

You could also ask yourself, how did your ancestors heal?

There are many options on the healing & wellness journey and it all starts with what you believe, where you feel called to go, & the resources available to you. Another blog post on that to come.

But, as for therapy- and I can only speak to my scope as a licensed clinical social worker, I would want you to know, in general, as I would any person (friends, family, etc.) to know:

The truth is we can't get rid of emotions, stress, or grief. Those are natural, perpetual human experiences prompted by the world around us.

But if we are feeling stuck or frequently bothered by our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, actions or inaction, therapy may be helpful. Therapy can also be helpful to build relationship skills: with self, parts of self, & self image, or in relationship with others and communication.

Therapy may be a good fit if you feel like you've done your due diligence in trying to care for your mental health but it has been primarily challenging and it feels or seems like you haven't been able to make much headway.

Mental health therapists or psychotherapists are trained to work with folks on the spectrum of mental health challenges. The spectrum is fluid and where you land can depend on a variety of biological, psychological, social, spiritual, & environmental factors and can change over time.

You don't have to be experiencing significant mental health challenges to pursue therapy either.

I used to always love to say: therapy is supportive, but not all support is therapy. The same can be said for the reverse. Any supports can be therapeutic depending on your needs, resources, & what resonates for you.

You might also go to therapy, and you feel like you do your due diligence working with your therapist, you have put effort into the strategies and things you talked about but you don't feel like you are making any headway.

That is not an uncommon experience and is totally valid. It'll be important, if you do pursue therapy, to talk to your therapist about the challenges, doubts, or concerns you have about therapy & the process itself; how things are going for you as it's occurring.

Your therapist should remain open minded, compassionate, and receptive to feedback, even if they have a difference of opinion or additional feedback they'd like to counter back with.

All of this to say, these are my musings on the matter. This is what I would say, what I have said, to anyone who has asked; former clients, colleagues, supervisees, friends, family, alike, when the conversation starts something like: "So.... therapy.... when should I consider therapy?"

Wishing you all the wellness, care, courage, & resources on your journey.

-Lindsay

We're happy you're here! This is Luminary Therapy, a brand new site by Lindsay Valley, LCSW. Luminary Therapy is a telehealth private practice in Phoenix, AZ. You can subscribe  if you'd like to stay up to date and receive emails when new content is published. We look forward to connecting with you!